Well, Well, Well. Its taken me some time to get this article into play and being the busy woman I am, I have had to repeatedly start and stop this article over and over again. Now, don’t get me wrong, by no means am I complaining. I just realize that this has been a topic that friends and fellow classmates are well ready to read. In light of the new generations dating “rules”, I think a lot of us are confused as to what should and shouldn’t be considered when dating. Now me, I wanted to get the raw and unspoken truth from others rather than just using what knowledge I have gained from personal experiences. Not that I am naive, but I think getting the truth from both parties, men and women, who are currently single, in relationships and married, are exactly what is needed to help those who are trying to live a life of love and fulfillment.
So, as you know, I had the pleasure of re-inviting the past conversationalist as well as some new comers, who I must say gave me a few answers to questions I knew the answer to, but couldn’t actually understand why. I chose to have two wonderful host, Camille, who I can say is a woman who knows what she wants as well as her worth. This is something that many women have a hard time coming to terms with. It comes with growth and experience. She was a bit late,nevertheless she was right on time. The other host, D.L., who I must say is another strong opinionated voice, and I actually met on things that I thought should be discussed prior to this event. There were also somethings that weren’t discussed in the past session that was brought to this one and it allowed more room for better insight on love and relationships.
As things started to kick off, the room filled with laughter around the living area. Many introductions and there were some that were being re-acquainted. Things seemed to start off rather slow, but once everyone finished small talk, and a little nudge from D.L., I decided things needed to get rolling. The lovely hat was in place to get the questions asked(anonymously) out. You know the hat, right? lol. Okay, let me enlighten you about the “hat.” This is where all the questions/statements are placed once people walk into the door. Now, the questions can be whatever you feel you’d like to address with the group, this can range from sex,love, adultery,etc,. You ask it, we discuss it.
First things first; I must allow everyone, once again to introduce themselves to the group, but if you are late, you must jump in and introduce yourself.
One of the first questions, which in fact was a HOT topic, how long does it take to know if you want to marry someone? This pushed a large button. As stated, and I must say that I agree with D.L. and Kevin on the fact that the age factor does play a large roll in the relationships growth. If you are in your early twenties, of course this is not the time you are going to think that you are ready to be seriously involved with someone beyond relationship status goes. By no means are you wanting to settle down, you have no idea of who you are and chances are you don’t know what you want. If truth be told, if you know who you are and what you want, I think you should make that evident first and foremost, without wasting each others time.
Now as for the topic marriage, this was another matter of knowing what you actually define as marriage. Yes, everyone has their idea of what marriage is. Of course, one who doesn’t want to marry or even believes in marriage, they will have their own disagreements with the way society has portrayed marriage. Some feel that marriage is just a contractual act , while others feel this is what defines marriage or truly shows that one is married. When my co-host asked my very head strong host why she felt so strong about marriage and if she loved this man like she said, why isn’t what they have enough? She felt that she wanted this to be before god. Well if you know my co-host like I know him, you’d know this was very hilarious and a subject she’d never get the last word on. He feels that monogamy is the same as marriage, the only difference is there are no name changes.
Well, I see his side as well as hers and everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Her reasons are because she wants this to be a spiritual thing before god.Ok I know D.L. made an excellent point on just bringing god into it with the additional tie, but I think her point of view is of more; a feeling of a total oneness with him as a life partner and the name change, to some, can mean so much more than you think. Yes, D.L. , I understand that some, as Oprah and Stedman, prefer to have a life of just living without that type of connection; which comes with an array of damage at the end, but again it is solely on the parties involved and if this is how they feel they want to show the world they are meant to be, who are we to say that this isn’t real? Marriage is defined in many different ways and a lot of individuals define this based off of needs and wants, which can turn out to be hazardous, depending on the specifics, as well as the spiritual connections. Yet, in my opinion, if love is the least important factor, this is not going to last long because there is no real foundation to hold your relationship in place. So of course this subject went on for at least forty-five minutes. D.L. is very head strong when it comes to his opinions, so we had to move it right along. Sorry D. We love ya though. *Smiles.
Of course the next subject at hand that I found to be very interesting was the matters behind the door; Is it ok for your male partner/lover to ask you for oral sex? Now, I know what you are saying, especially if you are a guy, “nope! you should be able to get it when you want to!” Well, now, aren’t you all to sure of yourself, lol! The women were hilarious in this matter. “I don’t think so!” Now this point was voiced very strong by my loving sister, Can Trina. ” If you think I am just going to give you oral and we just met, you are a lie!” Of course in some cases there are some women who enjoy random “acts of kindness” and then you have those who value themselves as a real woman. Now I am not saying that it is wrong to indulge in pleasuring your man, just as long as this is YOUR MAN and not some just newly found love as of two hours ago. Now, I am not a snob, but I do think somethings are not meant to be laid out on the table as fast as giving up your talent behind closed doors. Some things they should wait on,if you want to have a lasting relationship. Now for all you who love to “take it to the head” by all means carry on. Just don’t think that you will get that ring after you devalued yourself at such an early time in the meeting of the dating stage.
Again and again the subject matter of finances came up. Would you prefer a rich partner or a poor partner? The question came up about being with someone who is financially stable. Can you ever be completely happy with someone who is financially stable? Hmm. Well I think you can, IF the money is not the only reason you are there. One young lady made the statement she needs a baller who will pay her bills and that is all. Maybe a little in between the sheets, but not enough to spoil him as long as he’s paying what he weighs. Why isn’t that just cute? NOT! SMH. Then you have the young lady who has the man with the money who covers all her expenses, but there is also the guy who takes care of the emotional needs. Well, I guess it does take two men to equal the one perfect man, in her case that is. My thoughts are, how are you ever going to find complete happiness by merging two guys and if you are happiest with the guy who isn’t as financially stable as the other, why not take him as he is and allow him to show you how he can love you without all the material things? Personally, I don’t think you as a woman knows what will make you happy because at this point you are very selfish and love is not something you are looking to have. You are trying to satisfy a need that goes deeper than what is displayed on the surface. On the other hand,there were several women who prefer to have a man who is not rich. Not saying that they go out and intentionally turn away those who have those qualities,but they are not looking to have money as a substitution for love. Why would you chose a poor-man over a wealthy one? There are several great reason to choose someone who is not as caught up in his wealth. One thing is, he can be that man who satisfies you with material and never even know how to actually give you that love and support that you WILL definitely need and ladies, I don’t want to hear that you can live without being love. That’s just you lying to yourself. We in the real world call that denial. Eventually everything gets old with materialistic things and men who feel this can substitute for love will never understand that love is priceless.I can truly say that I have experienced both and I would rather have someone who knows how to love me the simple things in life. There comes a point in life where material things don’t matter. The only kind of happy you should want is the kind money can’t buy.
So as you can see, this was one of those very entertaining events that brought about some true reflections on oneself as a whole and also on others. By no means were we there to judge anyone,because we are all human and we are all constantly growing and making mistakes. If there is one thing that I have learned, mistakes are what helps you grow in life and if you are not taking risks, you are not living.
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”~e.e cummings