Speak It Un-Apologetically II

It’s about that time again my good people!!! The holidays are here and everyone’s either in love or searching for love. I can be the first to say this starts with you. SO, if you are one who have those aching questions of how to get the love you are searching for or how to get love to find you, meet me and a few others to get those answers you’ve spent all year searching for. I am sure you have read all the books and ads in the many different magazines and online as well, but you will get your best information straight from the horse’s mouth(no pun intended)!

If you would like to join myself, Camille, and D.L. for a great conversation on love and relationships many different possibilities

Please Contact me at 901-240-1476

Date:12/08/2012

Time: 0730pm

Place : Call me for address

Walking Into The New Can be a Scary Thing to do…..

I have to say things in my life seem to only get learned the hard way. The fact that I hold on to things that are becoming empty space is mind boggling. Be it old clothes that I have not worn in years or that old friendship that adds nothing to my growth, except heartache. I guess I have me to blame for these things and me only. Sometimes we hold on to things we think will get better or for convenience, because of history. But if truth be told, if it’s not adding to your life, that season is over. You and that person crossed paths for one specific reason and that lesson must be learned. So, for me, I the gluten for pain, tend to repeat offenses to see if the outcome will be different. Unfortunately, things are never different the second time around. Why do we throw away relationships and friendships so easily, but hold on to material things that hold little to no meaning?

 

This question has been ringing over constantly in my head all day today. I have met some new friends that I can see are a means to my growth. This seems to give me insight on my future and also I love the encouraging and straight forwardness of their minds/words. In saying this, I have maintained some old friends who are not adding anything or if I may say, I am not sure if they know how to add to my life. I would feel like a serious hypocrite if I didn’t own up to the fact that I, too, have not always been a perfect friend. In the years that I have ever changed anything in my life, it’s been to get away from the world and figure me out and that I deemed worthy of being in my life. To my surprise, I have found that some of those same friends I let go who were more judgmental than actually encouraging have resurfaced. I blame no one. Not even myself. It’s a comfort thing for me or is it? Maybe the fear growing beyond myself is it. Who knows, but I think it’s time to change that error in my life. I see that my crutch in life is to maintain my friends through whatever pains it brings to me. I have always deemed myself as loyal as possible, regardless of the way I am treated. I tend to forget that I have the power to say this isn’t how I want to be treated, or just that this is the end of our journey together.  I just don’t think I like the title, quitter. It’s just not me. I also know I cannot endure another sleepless night or stressful day of allowing myself to question my own judgment or decisions I make for myself. I am always finding myself looking to others for validation for how I should feel about a situation when the answer has always been within. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a complete idiot as to how life works, but I am also not afraid to admit that I am a bit lost and starting over sometimes means to clear your plate so that you can make room for those who are going to help you be the best you can ever be. I am sure your thoughts are of the current situation I have been dealing with; this is true as well as some others I have yet to deal with. This is a struggle for me and I sometimes feel I need to step away for a while. To clear my head, away from  others problems as well as mines in order to find out how to solve them. Yes, its sounds crazy, but sometimes stepping away for a second can give you a moment to regain yourself. Life isn’t always a happy place but its about how you dance in the storm while you’re going through it.  I have not depressed just trying to figure out this thing called life and learning to let go a lot more without regrets or resentment.  Love………

Bad Sex Vs. Potential Mate…………….

Bad Sex vs. Potential Mates…..

For the last few weeks or so, as I read article after article, I notice that there’s been a lot of great men who are still bachelors. They’ve got all the right materials needed to equal up to a great partner except for one tiny little detail, they’re horrible in bed.  I decided that to take it to upon my own group of ladies who are very close to me and find out if they’ve ever encounter something that seems so petty, but such a huge ordeal to others, in their own worlds. To my surprise, many had encounter the issue, but refused to make mention to the guy that they’d been intimate with and try to rectify the situation. Now, I am not one to judge, but I thought that was rather crazy. Why not tell them what you think about their skills and how they can improve rather than send them out into the world feeling like he’s the “Best You’ve Ever Had.”

Christy, a really great friend girl of mines, was one I stood impatiently waiting when it came to her response. She’s very out spoken and could care less how others felt about her thoughts or actions. Now, don’t get me wrong, she is compassionate, but when it comes to her needs she wants it all or nothing. She’s not into training someone who should already be capable of living up to her standards as a “man.” Immediately Christy began to send her replies,” No, I would let him go. A man that is not good in bed is a waste of time. I don’t feel I should have to train you at something you should already know how to do.” I tried to get her to see the brighter side of the situation; meaning some guys first time could be a horrible experience if hes nervous or emotionally not there with you yet. I tried to convince her that not all men were the same. She wasn’t having it. She made no time to be your lover and your teacher. In some ways, I would say I see her side, why teach someone what to do to please you in bed? Who has time for that? On another, how does he know what buttons will get you where you craved, how will he know what makes your kitten purr, if he’s never had that opportunity to pet it. IJS!

Now on a brighter note you have Milla Rose, someone who is a lot like me, who feels that some things are teachable. It’s like that great says, just like wine, it gets better with time. This same rule applies to sex. We women say there are no good men; because they’re all dogs are they’ve got no job or something around this same area. Not one time have we stopped to think about the good ones we’ve let go because he didn’t love us physically the way we wanted to be loved? Well hell, how does he know if you aren’t willing to give him that time needed to learn what pleases you as well as his needs? Hello?! He’s a man and human as you are. You have to give a little to get a little, but in this case I think you may desire a lot. Never be ashamed to tell a guy if a soft touch here, a nice kiss there is what gets you where you desire. This could be something that excites him as much as you. Then, you may also learn something new in the process, while teaching something old. It will all hopefully lead to something more, but if that’s the only thing you are searching for, never go into it looking for love. You will loose everytime.

Every time you say I, I, I, you put yourself deeper into lonerville. I am not saying you have to compromise everything, but if you want something you have to be willing to compromise something. Give him that benefit of a doubt and just say, hey let’s make this something we learn about each other together versus feeling that you will bruise his ego, because men so-call can’t take that. It’s been my experience that men love honesty as women say they do. You’ve got to say to him, look before we start this is what I love about you and I want to know what you love about me. At the same time you have to tell them what they are doing to turn you off, otherwise, you will continue to jump from one guy to the next, trying to find that one who will satisfy their thirst.

Living in this Moment!

Have you ever just taken a sec to enjoy every breeze, every rain drop, or even every smile that has come your way? Well, I’d be lying if I said I have. I can’t recall my last time just living in the now and not worrying about what’s next on the agenda. So, can we all say I’ve been racing through life without actually living?

Alex, a great friend of mine, in all her wit as well as smarts, has been dicussing how our week(s) have been. The problem was, I was there, yet again I wasn’t. My mind continued to roll and make sure I did not missed paying this bill or cleaning this room. It went so far as to wonder what I would do in Weeks to come. As I write this, I feel the judgement cover me like a blanket. Yes, I wasn’t being a very good listener; Needless to say.

After saying our goodbyes, my phone rang again, I opted out in order to regroup. I needed to try to recall the conversation I’d so badly given my attention to. I wanted to make sure I could apologize for not being in the moment and also congratulate her on the new “do.”

After a few minutes of puting the pieces of the puzzle together, I thought about other conversations I’d missed by not mentally being there. I missed them. I realized, this was a moment I couldnt get back. This was my moment to start the correction to learning to be in the moment. To enjoy everything it had to offer rather than rushing through lifes’ little treasures.

In life, as adults, we tend to forget to enjoy the moments. I’m not sure if it’s because we’re constantly trying to better ourselves by making everything perfect or just that we don’t truly know how to enjoy the present time, but I’m making every effort to change this.

I’ve ran across great friends who have missed out on childrens plays, recitals, and even graduations because they were too busy rushing it to end or not even being there for that matter. Life was meant to be LIVED, not rushed. Once you recieve a moment, you can’t get it back and regret should never be a burden so change it or it’ll ruin you.

Learn to stress less over the little things and enjoy the simple pleasures that has been given to you. There are those who’d die to have the ability to create simple pleasures again. So rather than to miss out on the things as little as a joke your uncle may tell over dinner or even a song your mom may sing horribly in front of your new fiancé , learn to enjoy this moment.  Before you know it, it’ll be a memory.

“Who Should Persue Who? Is there Really A Rule? “

For the last few months, I’ve wondered about this question of is it the mans’ job to pursue the attraction or is it the womans’. Growing up, I was taught, the man should come to you,if this is something he desires. Well, what if the guys fear of rejection causes him to miss out on what could possibly be his lifetime love? Should she make the move if she notices’ the chemistry is on point or just brush it off?

I’ve also found that in some cases, some women are unapproachable and don’t even realize it. Some of these women, I’m close with and sometimes, I’m finding myself being this woman. Of course this isn’t about me so I will give you that memoir at a later date.

Could it be a battle of the who askes who because of our egos or is it because you want the chase? Lately, I’ve seen and spoken to a lot of men and women who were struck by someone they saw in the grocery store or standing in line at Mcdonalds,but hesitated to initate because they didn’t want to be the one to make the first move. I would assume that’s childish. Why not take a risk and find out where things could go or does it make you seem a little too desperate? If that’s the case, we’ve all been desperate at some point in our lives.

I guess my question is, would you risk embarrassment to ask someone you were interested in on a date or would you wait for the chase?

Jaunette Mays
Freelance Writer
B.A. Journalism

Build Your Own Life…..

As its been a while since I’ve written anything, a lots been going on. Amongst the hustle and bustle of the holiday, I’ve been looking around at the many different relationship that are strangely connected. Of course, that’s just my observation. Lol. Even so, with  observing, I listened in on how women in relationships, will let go of a perfectly good relationship because of the lack of approval from their girl friends. Then there’s the women who can’t get into a good relationship for fear of losing a good (single) friend. (Speaking sarcastically) well, you know if they’re alone, and you’re not available to talk, they’ll think you’re acting different. Is there a point in your life that you decide what you will and will not let stand in the way of your happiness?

Just before the holidays set in, one of my best friends’ Kerry, who’d become very secluded in her relationship, lost that battle and needed the love and warmt of her BF. Of course, I was right there to help her find solice. So as the holidays set in, Kerry decided she’d come visit and I was very excited to have her come down,but as her visit set in, I noticed with every move or ringing of my phone,she was there to see who it was or where I was going. I felt like high school all over again. It was more like a controlled relationship versus a friendship. Even a close associate we’d visited the night before noticed it. I was glad to know it wasn’t just me. Immediately, I thought some things have to change,today!

I understand wanting to know everything about your female friends and their lifes journey,maybe even wanting to advise them on how to better their lives,but at some point you’ve got to let go and be just that,a friend. Which doesn’t mean making them conform to your beliefs or your thoughts of how life should be. Thats why we are all uniquely made. To stand out and apart from others. So, if your girlfriends trying to build a life of her own,it doesn’t mean that she’s ditching you because she’s in a relationship,nor is it because she thinks she’s better. Its because shes ,as you should be,trying to build a lifetime of happiness that no one can give her,not even you!  Remember,one day you’ll be in her shoes;-)……

Jaunette Mays
Freelance Writer
B.A. Journalism

Speak It Unapologetically……

“Speaking It Unapologetically”

 

Date: November 19, 2011

        Time: 730p.m.

 

Come join me, Jaunette and a few good men and women to discuss the things you’ve thought, but never said to the opposite sex. Chances are you will get the answers your heart may have been seeking. I welcome your criticism as well as your encouraging words for those who are single, married or in a relationship that could be complicated.

*RSVP if you are planning to attend via email or even on my twitter account@MS.Raisin,

 

 

Sponsored By:

 

Jaunette Mays

Author and creator of Essence of Simplicity

http://www.4essence.wordpress.com